Youth in Crisis
We are struggling to cope with the mental health consequences of COVID-19
Due to the huge increase in mental health issues since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic funds raised from our Skydive For Life 2022 are going to fund our new Youth Crisis Counselling Programme which will pay for fast, free, access to local counsellors and psychologists for young people in crisis or at immediate risk of suicide or self-harm..
Like most charities we have been overwhelmed by contacts from parents, teachers and teenagers since the start of the COVID-19 lock-down. We have received a 312% increase in requests for urgent crisis support or intervention since April. So the Trustees have allocated funding to develop and support a new free Crisis Counselling Programme which will fund immediate access to two sessions of crisis counselling, with a registered counsellor, psychotherapist or psychologist, for young people in crisis or at immediate risk of suicide.
This programme is by referral from a GP only. Full information is available at www.youthcrisiscounselling.ie
How to Listen
Asking someone to talk to us is fantastic but we then need to listen to what they say!
Here are some thoughts on how to be a good listener
The role of the listener
For many people the role of listener can be a bit unnerving. Generally we are much more used to talking, to taking charge of our conversations and being the source of information. In terms of assisting someone who wants to express themselves to us we need to become more passive.
The funny thing is that listening seems to be so challenging when actually it can be quickly and easily learnt by using the techniques of Active Listening. Active Listening is widely used by helplines such as the Samaritans as it allows a consistent approach, established empathy but, importantly, also allows the listener to keep distance between themselves and the person who wants to talk.
General guidance
It is actually ok to ask someone about their mental state. We need to know where their thoughts are going even though it may seem challenging.
So how do you ask a person about their thinking?
• DO be yourself. Let the person know you care, that he/she is not alone. The right words are often unimportant. If you are concerned, your voice and manner will show it.
• DO Listen. Let the person unload despair, ventilate anger. No matter how negative the conversation seems, the fact that it exists is a positive sign.
• DO be sympathetic, non-judgmental, patient, calm, accepting. Your family member is doing the right thing by talking about his/her feelings.
• DO offer hope. Reassure them that help is available and that these dark, possibly suicidal feelings, are temporary. Let the person know that his or her life is important to you.
• If the person says things like, “I’m so depressed, I can’t go on,” ask the question: “Are you having thoughts of suicide?” You are not putting ideas in their head; you are showing that you are concerned, that you take them seriously, and that it’s OK for them to share their pain with you.
• DON’T argue with them. Avoid saying things like: "You have so much to live for," "Your suicide will hurt your family," or “Look on the bright side.”
• DON’T act shocked, lecture on the value of life, or say that thinking these thoughts is wrong.
• DON’T promise confidentiality. Refuse to be sworn to secrecy. A life could be at stake and you may need to speak to a health professional in order to keep your teen safe. If you promise to keep your discussions secret, you may have to break your word.
• DON’T offer ways to fix their problems, or give advice, or make them feel like they have to justify their feelings. It is not about how bad the problem is, but how badly it’s hurting your friend or loved one.
• DON’T blame yourself. You can’t “fix” someone’s depression, only support them, seek professional assistance and offer love.
Active Listening
"Active Listening" is simply the offering of friendship by one ordinary human being to another at a time of crisis or loneliness. An Active Listener doesn’t need to have professional status or authority, but is simply a fellow human being who cares. The purpose of Active Listening is to listen, accept, care and empathise.
LISTEN
Allowing the person with a problem to express and to talk without being judged.
ACCEPT
Allowing the person to stay in neutral and accept their feelings as they are.
CARE
Allowing one human being to reach out to another human being with respect.
EMPATHISE
Allowing the listener to hear where the speaker is coming from and allows us to be sensitive to another's feelings or ideas even when we don’t agree.
The purpose of Active Listening is not to give advice, instruct, solve problems, or judge. It is to respect the worth and value of another human being through Listening, Accepting, Caring, and Empathising.
A Good Listener is someone who:
• listens more than talks;
• directs the conversation to the painful feelings;
• has compassion for sufferer;
• risks seeming foolish by asking simple questions;
• attempts to be available at all times;
• remains willing to share another person's pain;
• respects confidences;
• listens;
• accepts;
• empathises
A Good Listener Does not
× offer opinion or judgments
× belittle or minimise concerns
× discuss one's own problems
× give advice
× express shock or surprise
× patronise or probe
× offer platitudes and clichés
× make promises that cannot be kept
× interpret, lecture or diagnose
× Say "I know just how you feel."
× fail to pay attention or care
The Attitude of the listener is really important as it affects how the person we are listening to responds to us
YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME WHEN...
× You do not care about me;
× You say you understand before you know me well enough;
× You have an answer for my problem before I've finished telling you what my problem is;
× You cut me off before I have finished speaking;
× You find me boring and don't tell me;
× You feel critical of my vocabulary, grammar or accent;
× You are dying to tell me something;
× You tell me about your experience making mine seem unimportant;
× You are communicating with someone else in the room;
× You refuse my thanks by saying you haven't really done anything.
YOU ARE LISTENING TO ME WHEN...
• You come quietly into my private world and let me be me;
• You really try to understand me even if I’m not making much sense
• You grasp my point of view even if it goes against your own sincere convictions;
• You realize the hour I took from you has left you a bit tired and drained;
• You allow me the dignity of making my own decisions even though you think they may be wrong;
• You do not take my problem from me, but allow me to deal with it in my own way;
• You hold back your desire to give me good advice
• You do not offer me religious solace when you sense I am not ready for it;
• You give me enough room to discover for myself what is going on;
• You accept my gift of gratitude by telling me how good it makes you feel to know you have been helpful
